


All is Violent, All is Bright

by Elivra



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 07:10:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12360306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elivra/pseuds/Elivra
Summary: Erwin Smith has been injured in battle. And as much as he hates it, Levi is blinded by Erwin's mere presence and cares damn too much. Written for our favourite Commander Handsome's birthday. Not fluffy, sorry! Rated for language.





	All is Violent, All is Bright

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday to the wonderful Erwin Smith (14/10)! I really felt like I had to write something for today, so whipped this out, posted it on ff.net and am now posting this here! :)
> 
> I have not yet written an outright shippy fic yet for SnK and it astounds me, honestly. So, here it is, my very first Eruri fic! Hopefully it's come out well, these two sad, bad men are really difficult to write!
> 
> Setting: Somewhere in the middle of manga #51, or anime episode #37.
> 
> I had two wonderful inspirations for this story:
> 
> Firstly, I found this prompt in a random post on tumblr - "Here, let me." Adorable, isn't it?
> 
> My second source also inspired the title of this story. It is a song called 'All is Violent, All is Bright" by the post-rock group God is an Astronaut, and let me tell you, it is unbelievably beautiful, this song. Check it out when you can!
> 
> So, here goes! Hope you guys like it!
> 
> Disclaimer: Not me, not mine.

 

* * *

"Here, let me."

Erwin watched him mutely as he rolled up the official scroll for him. Not a word of protest burst forth his lips, which was unusual for Erwin, who hated being coddled. Perhaps he had gleaned a hint of Levi's current mood.

_Good._

Levi placed the scroll with the others ranged neatly on a table, then took his seat next to Erwin's bed.

More silence.

Erwin let out a sharp sigh all of a sudden. "Say something, Levi."

Levi had spoken a sum total of three sentences since Erwin had returned from the rescue mission the previous evening, pale and unconscious. Two of those sentences were spoken to Erwin since he had woken up earlier that day.

"What do you want me to say?" There. Sentence number four.

"Anything."

Levi looked at him coolly. "No."

Erwin smiled lightly. "You're being childish."

"Don't you fucking _dare_."

Erwin's eyes widened slightly, like he was actually surprised at Levi's mood.

"What-"

" _I_ did not run headlong into a fucking bloodbath without a care for mine or my soldiers' lives. _I_ was not reckless enough to let myself nearly die of blood loss."

Erwin's expression became impassive.

Levi leaned forward, his rage unplugged and his tongue loosened. "What the _fuck_ , Erwin? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"It was my only choice-"

"You lost your arm. Your dominant arm. You are the Commander of your forces and you need both arms to use the gear, and you lost your arm."

"It was a small price to pay."

" _You lost your fucking arm._ " Levi intoned, eyes narrowed dangerously.

"It was a small price to pay," Erwin repeated. "I am replaceable. Eren is not."

Levi, who was gritting his teeth and clenching his fists, slackened with surprise. "Replaceable," Levi murmured, and let out a humourless snort. "You -you really think that?"

"Levi-"

"You actually believe that? Tell me."

Erwin finally turned his gaze away. Levi had often relished these moments, when he had managed to win their frequent unbidden staring contests. But _this,_ here and now, was no victory.

"Tell me, Erwin."

"Eren is Humanity's Last Hope." Erwin said softly, fidgeting with the folds of his blanket. "I… am not as important."

Levi stood up abruptly and turned away to face the window.

"You are important," he spoke quietly, trying hard to not look at Erwin's reflection in the polished glass. "Like each and every single one of us. We are all important."

"You know that's not true."

"It is. It _must_ be."

A sudden chuckle. Levi half-turned toward the bed. "Aren't you quite the idealist, Levi." Erwin muttered, and Levi could _hear_ the smug grin in his voice. "I told you so the other day, and now you've proven me right."

"Shut the fuck up," Levi said dully and looked away again.

Another quiet chuckle was the only response.

Levi watched the Survey Corps headquarters come to life outside as the sun climbed higher in the sky. Another day was beginning, a newly-crippled Commander hardly getting in the way of the daily grind.

Levi rarely wished he hadn't left the Underground. He only felt this when the hot sun was blazing down on him, and a lifetime of living in the dark had permanently disinclined him from sunny days. But sometimes he'd see a mad glint in Erwin's blue eyes, or a cold, ruthless command given with disturbingly little hesitation, and then he'd wish he had _never_ seen the light of day. Literally.

Erwin burned bright in his vision, a charismatic, mesmerising light to follow, to emulate, a light so beautiful it made him crave the brightness with a desperation he had not expected from himself. But the light was cold, it was violent and deadly. It poured into his mind and outshone his own fire, it smothered his hot ideals and silenced his angry voice. It dragged him, eager and unwilling, into a void as endless as the sky.

And Levi wished to hell he'd never left the Underground.

"Say something, Levi."

Levi closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and turned away from the window.

"Like what?"

"Anything." Erwin looked away again. "You're making me uncomfortable."

"Then you know how I feel." Levi sat down again.

Erwin squirmed. "But I don't understand..."

"What don't you understand?"

"Why you're angry."

Levi stared at him. "You have _got_ to be shitting me."

Erwin sighed harshly. "I'm the Commander of the Survey Corps. You've served under me for nearly six years now and you know very well the reality of our mortality as soldiers. Every step we take outside the walls is a step too close to death."

"Get to the point."

"I could have died each time. In each expedition I've served, I could have _died_. Why does it bother you now when I'm only injured?"

" _Only_?" Levi snarled. "Should I give you a fucking medal for surviving a suicidal charge?" There was so much vitriol in his voice that Erwin actually winced. "You led your men into a death trap willingly, knowing full well the consequences of riding right into the midst of a horde of Titans. Right within reach of the enemies that brought down Wall Maria, too, and you did it anyway."

Erwin snorted softly. "Some people would call that brave."

"Well, those people have shit for brains. It was reckless, that's all it was."

"I see." Erwin bowed his head and he looked like he was falling asleep. But when he looked at Levi again, his eyes were as alert as ever. "I still think what I did was justified." Before Levi could respond to that, he raised the index finger of his remaining hand. "But, I see your point. My actions had ample cause for concern and… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I worried you."

"Sorry won't bring back your fucking arm."

"No. But it might earn me your forgiveness."

Levi couldn't look at that damn symmetrical face, and so chose to observe his own nails. "You know you already have it."

The silence that followed scared Levi somehow, so, in an effort to change the subject, he gestured at the empty space below Erwin's right shoulder. "So what now?"

"I've been thinking… when I recover my strength, I can practise using the gear one-armed."

Levi crossed his arms. "It can't be done. You'll be slow, off-balance, and a liability."

"Hange remembers reading about a one-armed soldier who served in the Survey Corps some decades ago."

"Fuck Hange. You should recuse yourself from Expeditions."

"You and I both know I'm not going to do that."

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. "For once, for _one fucking time_ , Erwin, don't be so stubborn."

Erwin only smiled his maddening smile. "Remember what I told you about my father?"

_Not this again._

Levi huffed irritably. "Tch. You're insane. Walls know why I'm even listening to you now."

"You don't have to, that's true." Erwin murmured.

Levi glared at him. "You're a piece of shit, you know that?"

"I do."

They held each other's gaze for a long moment, eyes locked together, one pair the blue of a bright winter's day, the other the dark blue of a warm summer's night.

Then Levi blinked, knowing that he had lost against those eyes a long time ago. "Fine. I'll help you train."

"No," Erwin said swiftly. "I have a more important assignment for you."

Levi narrowed his eyes, but didn't argue. This was a direct command from his superior, after all.

"The details need planning. I'll tell you when that's done. For now…"

When Erwin didn't finish his sentence, Levi had to ask, "For now?"

Erwin sighed and closed his eyes. "For now…" He opened his eyes again and Levi was once more pinned in place by that piercing gaze. "For now, stay here. By my side."

Levi felt his insides writhe and lighten. He was back in the bright void, the cold light blinding him from the rest of the world, leaving behind him and only him in his vision.

Always _him_.

"For as long as you need," Levi nodded.

 _Forever_ , those mad, bright blue eyes told him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: From what we know of Levi's poor mother's history, I have always thought Levi was asexual. That would not make him nonreceptive to romantic concepts or incapable of romantic desires. Erwin, however, has been everything from ace to pan in my headcanons, so don't mind me. My most frequent headcanon is that Erwin is bi, though, with him falling in love with Marie first, and then Levi.
> 
> Whatevs. Either way, these guys SUCK at emoting so they mostly just glare at each other longingly, I guess.
> 
> Hope the story flowed well, though. I wasn't certain my writing style would really fit Levi's POV, let me know how it comes across to you!
> 
> As always, please let me know what you think of my story! Thanks for taking the time to read this!


End file.
